Escape from the city

I don't know what I’d do without my custom earplugs or Bose noise cancellation headphones. I carry them with me almost everywhere I go. Why? Because living in the city when you're an Aspie with hyper-sensitive hearing means every tire screech, siren, or argument beats my head like drums. Living in the city is something I've been struggling with for a long time. But recently I finally did something about it. 

I'm not one to complain, but there are things Aspies, especially those of us on the spectrum who are Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), experience the world in ways that most people don’t. It's not my choice. I can’t filter the world’s stimuli as others can. And although having an Aspie brain comes with many benefits, it also comes with its challenges.

For many of us, it's sensory sensitivity that sometimes manifests as a sensory processing disorder. Living in a massive city such as Los Angeles is difficult if you're sensitive to sound and especially ambient noise. The noise is everywhere and it's constant. I suffer from sensory overload daily, and sometimes on an hourly basis on the worst days.

There are cars and trucks, police and fire sirens, and vehicle back-up alarms. Then, there's the background music playing almost everywhere you go—the gym, every kind of store, and pretty much every restaurant and bar. Los Angeles is rapidly growing, so there’s construction on what seems like every other block, which doesn't help my case at all. LA has some green spaces and parks, but even there, you can't escape the noise.  

Not even my home is safe because I can hear neighbors doing the usual things. I hear with painful clarity everything from footsteps to phone conversations. Add this with the noise pollution of the outside world and you’ll understand why I feel like I’m being attacked from all sides. I'm also very sensitive to EMFs, and despite taking precautions such as keeping all digital devices out of the bedroom and creating a charging station in another room, I find it nearly impossible to avoid exposure in the city. I’ve tried several EMF neutralizing products, but, unfortunately, I end up returning most of them. So far, the best solution for getting a good night's sleep has been to unplug my wireless router and microwave, turn off all digital devices, and place them as far away from my bed as possible. 

During the first few years I lived in LA, I’d leave the city on weekends to get away from all the activity and noise to recoup. Most people living in the city can filter out all or most of the noise that surrounds them. I'm not like most people. And headphones and earplugs, while helpful in many situations, are just not enough when the noise comes at you from all sides and at all times. I was experiencing sensory overload daily, and my sleep, something I absolutely need if I'm going to function normally, was suffering badly. To make matters worse, for several months, I moved around a lot, searching desperately for a comfortable home—a quiet place surrounded by nature—something I eventually learned was next to impossible in the city.  The difference in the quality of life during my weekend breaks was immediate and astounding, and always exactly what I needed. I knew what I had to do. While I always intended to move out of the city at some point, the time for it was always in the future because I'm still building my career, so living in the city felt necessary. But then I realized that I don’t need to live in LA to move forward. I moved out of LA. I moved far enough to escape the city and retreat into nature, but close enough to still do business in the city.

Moving out of the city was incredible for me but it also came with its drawbacks. It's not easy living so far away from loved ones, friends, and my musical partners. Living halfway across the world from my family in Malaysia is already difficult, so I’m sensitive to more separation. I have a young niece (my first one) and it bothers me that I can't be closer to her. She's growing up so fast, and I get emotional thinking about all those special moments I'm missing and how I can't hold or play with her. I struggle with digital communication because it really wears me down, and although I shouldn't feel guilty about this, I do. Still, I feel fortunate that in this day and age, at least I can communicate with my niece via FaceTime. Something’s better than nothing.

Of course, not living near my collaborators, the recording studio, and my friends can feel very isolating at times. In fact, I recently had a meltdown because of these feelings of isolation. Even though I love my new home, I found myself upset about moving away. In that moment, I wished I wasn't an Aspie and it brought me to tears. Sometimes it's tough belonging to that 1% of the population who are so often misunderstood.

Later, I talked with a good friend about my feelings. Then, I found myself reassuring another Aspie I’d recently met. I found that each conversation went a long way in calming me down. Talking it out and putting the focus on helping others pulled me out of the darkness. It's okay to feel down about things. We all do sometimes. I'm an Aspie and always will be, so instead of lamenting something I can never change, why not let myself feel the emotions and then make peace with them?  

Now that I've had a little time to settle into my new place, I can look back on all the tumult that led me here. Those times were hard, to say the least, but it's because things were so bad that I was forced to act in my best interest. Also, I've recently started an Asperger's Meetup group that is connecting me with other Aspies in the area, which is something I'm really enjoying.

As they say, every cloud has a silver lining, and finally making good on my intention to move out of the noisy, chaotic city turned out to be the best decision for me. Who could’ve predicted that only two weeks after moving to my new home that the coronavirus would hit LA? I couldn't ask for a safer or more pleasant area to self-quarantine. And while it's not easy being far from my friends and colleagues, I'll make it work because I can.